Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. Fyrebyrd2 Your FAMILY can be the most important thing in your life not just your children. Steve Kellmeyer Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. The guy has not opted out of a childs life. I dont understand the level of anger sparked by this man not wanting to be physically involved in this childs life. April 9, 2012, 10:01 am. It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. Im not implying anything other than exactly what I wrote. You deserve better than that (and ditto what everyone else has said your beef is with your scumbag boyfriend, not the other girl or the baby). If you cant handle the though of having a baby, you take precautions (condoms, birth control, vasectomy, abstinence even) and when babies happen, because they do even with protection, you take responsibility for it. You mean, he should be able to decide whether or not hes emotionally distant and vacant from the life he had equal part in creating? So go whine about how unfair life is to someone who is as ignorant as you are about how life works. Nice try. No clearly this is a brilliant way to be supported for life. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. She didnt ask for any help with the other women so why would people be throwing out their opinions on that? So just ignore them, thats what I do. Except that hes not. Were also stuck with either A) experiencing an abortion or B) going through a pregnancy. You dont really get to have a say in this situation, but encourage your boyfriend to have a relationship with this child. Answer (1 of 11): I am an older lady. It's believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but that's a myth. Guy Friday SpaceySteph I showed up late to the hot debate in the comments (damn you work lol), but to put this in perspective for me, I was born to relatively young parents and now at 25, my dad is a few years older then this gem of a man in this letter. bittergaymark Yes, he could have done worse by refusing to pay child support and not wanting to be in the child s life or being an alcoholic abusive parent, or what have you. Seriously, this makes my blood boil. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. If he doesnt do this, and the woman gets pregnant anyways, he needs to show maturity and be responsible for his decisions. Yes, its not a crime. Which brings me to my question for LW: You say your boyfriend is 40 years old, but how old are YOU? I ended up feeling sorry him, and I started talking to him again, but2 weeks laterhe said the pregnant girl was threatening to hurt herself and he was going to be with her and that he cared too much about her and his unborn child to not try to work it out. This woman is having a baby, not a concept. She doesnt tell the waiter that she has a peanut allergy, because she assumes that simply ordering a dish without peanuts in it will protect her. April 9, 2012, 1:15 pm. Forcing him to stay with her isnt going to make anyone happy at all. Apparently the LW couldnt trap him either since they broke up. But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. April 9, 2012, 9:20 am. Have you ever been in a fling for a good amount of time -- maybe even half a year . Overlappers: They start a new relationship before breaking up with you April 9, 2012, 6:16 pm. People are calling the LW scum because hes willing to abandon a child he helped create. At this point, its an easy thing to resolve this without decades of support and animosity. The entire letter reeked of entitlement. Just found out my boyfriend got another girl pregnant Id be more concerned with him having unprotected sex with someone HE just met. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallopBut I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.". And the children are either damned or murdered. Sleeping with someone so soon after a breakup? However, I realize thats a pipe dream. Not your body, not your choice. She gets to decide whether she keeps the baby or not. Youre fucking advocating that brilliantly fool-proof method?! Here's Why Your Ex Keeps Texting You After The Breakup But when it comes down to it, men have *zero* say in anything having to do with the child how it is raised, where it lives, etc. The rest of us enjoy it, I think people dont give the blow job enough credit. Step away slowly. honeybeenicki I feel like life for me hasnt gotten better and Im tired. This attitude that men become slaves the instant a girl gets pregnant is actually very crazy, in my opinion. First of all, she seems to think her boyfriends reaction is completely reasonable. Doesnt matter if the owner of cocacola sat down with you and discussed the possible risk of opening a bottle and what you would both do if something went wrong. April 10, 2012, 6:58 pm. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. I recommend you seek individual therapy and process your feelings. Oh, and of course, hes also called a dick, and ass, and other choice names. You see being nurturing as a weakness. The man has NOTHING to do with any child creation. This is my question for you. April 9, 2012, 4:39 pm. April 9, 2012, 12:49 pm. First of all, it can take a bad psychological toll on someone who doesnt want to have it in the first place. Thats what IVF is for either the male or the female gives of their own gametes. Of. BTW, has he heard about condoms?? August 24, 2019, 2:54 pm. April 9, 2012, 12:55 pm, Im sure there are many, many women who would argue that its not all rainbows and butterflies in attaining child support. Liberals only think of themselves. I feel no connection to my biological siblings, even though they desire a relationship with me. Against it? Anthony Leonson bittergaymark That support is not hers. -Exposed you to STIs by going bareback with a woman he cant stand and hes known for two minutes and then coming back to you All I can say is therapy. Always follow your gut and your instincts. You seem upset at biology that women are the ones that carry the children and and therefore has the ability to decide or not to continue on with a pregnancy whereas a guy doesnt have that same right. ago. Roe v. Wade merely established that abortion is a privacy issues and that a womans right to choose what is done with her body takes precedent over the rights of a state to prevent abortion. I think this guy is a jerk not because he had sex with someone else when he was single, but because he is taking no responsibility for a life he created. No, thats the kids money. And do some growing up before you get involved with someone else. Is it any wonder that 40% of the kids born today are bastards? It was her choice. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. I want to get angry but I don't know if it's considered cheating. She doesnt have to listen to him, but the concern at least needs to be addressed. Guys definitely think about their ex sexually. You have to give up one or the other. bittergaymark I honestly dont believe any of this will ever be an issue for you. You are able to get through any obstacles on your path. Posted on June 29, 2022 in gabriela rose reagan. Wow RR, I like it when you get angry. It is possible to get pregnant while on the pill, it happened to three women I know. April 9, 2012, 1:23 pm. It doesnt matter how nicely you do it. BACKFIRES! Where does the stork fit in? Part of the reason I feel no one should be forced to be a parent is that those who are forced to be parents often cause the most lasting damage to the children. April 9, 2012, 12:32 pm, Well to start theres this ridiculous bit of misogyny and what seems like lack of understanding of child support: one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met.. Or could CG be right, and this is all a hoax? If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. So, in other words, RR, it is a noble thing to give your child to strangers in the hope that he or she is treated well (that the adoptive parents wont abuse them, wont get divorced in a messy way, wont let them fend for themselves, and so on), even though youll have no interaction with that child again, but it is base and vile to have the same lack of interaction but to provide financial support which doesnt in any way affect the mothers ability to find a partner that is right for her. reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): A Who knew? Abortion is safe and legal, right? Yes, no birth control is perfect, blah blah. Consider paring them down a bit. are you creating multiple accounts to like your own comments? I dont think you have the maturity to deal with this sort of complexity so I would peace out for the sake of everyone involved, especially the baby. Im arguing that he should be able to get out of the responsibility in the same way that a woman can get out of that responsibility. Also I take that because your boyfriend knew she was on the pill he didnt use a condom. If the man doesnt, apparently you feel that he should not have that option. LW, what happens if YOU get pregnant? She might not have been on the Pill, but that was a risk that he chose to take by having sex with someone he knew for two minutes without a condom. If someone decides to risk becoming a parent by having sex, especially unprotected sex, or by letting a pregnancy continue to the point where a baby is born, they are consenting to be responsible for any child that is produced. i thought that was a bit harsh as well although her anger is unjustified, shes actually just reacting the same way 99% of people would do in that same situation. haha I agree. Women have complete reproductive autonomy, but as far as I know it is impossible to become impregnated without a man somewhere in the equation. We remained friends with Benefits for months because I wanted too and he said with or without sex, he doesn't want to lose this friendship but I wanted the sex lol I . April 10, 2012, 7:01 pm. 1. April 9, 2012, 10:12 am. Identical twin men: one is an IVF doctor, one is a carpenter. Grow the fuck up! If you were driving your car, and looked down at the time, and hit the child would you ask the parents of that child to not report you to the police, because its also there fault for letting there child run in to the street? So I have a pretty positive impression of my biological father. Picture Perfect Poster Girl: Taylour Paige Stars As "Boogie's" Leading Lady, UPDATE: Jesseca Dupart Denies That LisaRaye Found Out About Da Brat's Pregnancy Via Social Media, Your Weekly Helping Of Tidday Meats & Treats On The Gram, Cougar Chronicles! Its always just a hope. entertaining for sure, but dont be so surprised when people call you out on it a la Landygirl. You and John are both arguing something that nobody else is. Rachel, I have a child in the same situation. 6napkinburger Story. Hell pay for it but wants absolutely nothing to do with it. I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating. Im a guy, and I think that the BF is a loser scum bag. He was instrumental in the whole zygote creating you know that thing that turned into a baby Whats that? 2. But wherever youre writing from, I suspect the child support laws are strong enough that, if she goes after it, he wont have much choice. Male rape victims notwithstanding, men control where their sperm goes. But woman, grow the hell up. Fix Your Communication Problem. I dont think a woman should ever have to have an abortion, but if the father decides early on that he doesnt want the child, I think he should have the same rights to get out of it as the woman does. If women insist on compelling child support from the man, then dont whine if society insists that women support the child until birth. Yes, its true it is past the point. Furthest from the vagina, just saying. Whether those parents planned it or not they need to be there for that kid and not just dump it becuase you feel like it. Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. The guy had sex with someone who got pregnant. Its more than I can handle on a Monday! By having sex you are saying that the woman might get pregnant and you are willing to deal with it if that is the case. Steve Kellmeyer I have no idea why you two took a break if you cant live without each other, but honestly, neither one of you is mature enough to be in a committed relationship. Its called lying. If I polled my high school, and under Forms of Contraception I included Pulling Out, Im estimating (based on the number of children at my last reunion) that would be about 70% of respondents methods. She should think long and hard about that reason and not take her former bf back. I agree with all of this. That happens. I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. According to legal abortion theory, only women create children. female 2.6K views, 5 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 44 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Wildheart: **Miracle Baby Or Mistaken Baby- Man Denies Having Baby With Wife (Full Episode) - Paternity Court **. Mileage 450. I mean, hey, we certainly couldnt be any more careless or reckless with this precious gift than women keep on proving to be, landygirl April 9, 2012, 11:41 am. I have no doubt theyll be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted with a mom so loving as you! April 10, 2012, 5:16 pm. -Tried to pressure her into getting an abortion When choosing adoption, I think youve made a conscious decision that your child will be better off being parented by people other than you. They can both make a choice but only Susie must physically implement the plan. He can change his mind at any time and will likely get visitation at minimum. Courts are loath to do anything but joint custody unless one of the parents is an absolute idiot. 8 Red Flags that Her Pregnancy is a Trap. Everyone is pretty much in agreement there. April 10, 2012, 9:47 am. But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. But I believe theres a definite difference. You seem to put a lot of blame on her, but you do know that he was there too, right? I must be in the minority because oral sex is a regular part of sex btw my husband and I and Id definitely miss it if it wasnt. And its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. It doesnt even come close. Youre the one asserting that its only one sex that experiences unfairness. At some point you have to recognize your own self-worth and value, otherwise you will keep allowing him and others to walk all over you. A Breakup During Pregnancy Made Me Realize the Mom I Want to Be bittergaymark Fine. But youre too stupid/gullible to be angry at him. door to door service. Which includes emotional support, not just financial. Taking no personality responsibility whatsoever and then whining about the consequences? You have a guy who knew someone for like two seconds and jumped into bed with them. But that doesnt change the fact that these people are eating each other alive. Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. Well, the law is schizophrenic. When two people opt to have not conceive by mistake but instead carry through to birth a child, they should be obligated to that child. April 9, 2012, 11:40 am. April 9, 2012, 11:23 am. Your logic is weird. I do plan to stay on my birth control because having a period every month doesnt sound like loads of fun after only having 4 a year for so long. Exactly, so if knowing this you still choose to proceed with anything that could result in a pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself if you become a parent. I have to take the stance that it is no ones responsibility but their own to make sure they dont get STDs. April 9, 2012, 12:45 pm. He sounds wholly unlikable so I think its doubtful she wants anything to do with him, especially now. Theyre both opposed to abortion but theyre being safe, right? How the heck do you administer THAT?! John Rohan My husbands 2 month affair has ended with his girlfriend being pregnant Who actually uses cod wollop, malarky and scroat? It ended because you both were doing your own thing, and you had trust issues. April 10, 2012, 12:45 pm. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. As much as men have some inherent advantages, women do as well, and one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met. Man I love got another girl pregnant - Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Dump this creep. If the guy just walked away and contributed nothing, then that would be exactly akin to most adoptions, which, essentially, just mean letting someone else take care of your child. I just dont see any part of the circumstance that allows a 40 year old man who was having consensual sex to take the other issues out on his own child by refusing to have anything to do with it.
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